Sunday, April 7, 2013

"...Help Thou Mine Unbelief" -- My first post in over a year

Dearest family, friends and loved ones,

Sometimes it feels like an unfair double-whammy when Easter Sunday is followed by conference Sunday.  There is simply no time to regain one's composure.  And there is no time to get all your thoughts out in a coherent way before a whole new flood of thoughts pours in.  But sometimes (OK, most of the time) it serves to provide further light on a particular topic.  I started writing this last Sunday (Easter), but didn't have time to finish…and now I'm glad about that!  Much of what was taught in general conference this weekend were things I needed to hear.  But little hit me quite as hard as what Elder Holland taught (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS7Pu31GYZw).  It was, to me, a very clear tender mercy that he chose this particular story in which to frame his teachings as it has been a story that has been on my mind for quite a while.  I already wish the transcript of his talk was available because there were so many new insights…so many powerful thoughts…I will have to be patient.

Regardless, I figure I'd better get these thoughts out now or I will end up distracted and never finish. 

-Eric (4/7/2013)





On this Easter Sabbath I sat down to write a letter to my sister who is serving a mission in Spain.  As I started writing, it quickly became clear that there were things bouncing around in my mind and heart that I wanted to share with all of you who have been so important to me and meant so much in my life.  I do not claim to be very wise and I'm certainly no authority, but these are parts of what I have learned over my lifetime and every once in a while I think it is appropriate to get such things down in a written / tangible form and share it with people.  It may be of no interest to anyone but myself, but at very least I have found that on the occasions that I feel strongly that I should write and share part of what I know and feel; that knowledge and feeling is engrained ever deeper into my own heart and it helps me in my daily struggle to live such principles.  I hope no one minds…

There has been a New Testament account that has been in my mind for the last several months.  It is the story of the father who brings his child to the Savior to be healed and cleansed from the dark spirit which had taken possession of him.  Matthew, Mark and Luke each give an account of this event (Matthew 17:14-21, Mark 9:14-29, Luke 9:37-43).  It is some of what I have learned as I've thought on this scriptural account that for whatever reason feels so pertinent right now.

The first thing that strikes me are the two perspectives from which one can view this account.  There is the perspective of the boy who is healed, certainly.  But there is also the perspective of the father who brings his son to Christ for healing.  Both perspectives, I think, teach important truths.

First, from the perspective of the father who brings his son to the Savior for healing.  Matthew records that "…there came to him [Christ] a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying, Lord have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire and oft into the water" (Matt 17:14-15).  Mark's account is thus, "Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit; and wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away…" (Mark 9:17-18).  Luke's account of the father's plea is my favorite, "And behold a man of the company cried out, saying, Master, I beseech thee, look upon my son: for he is mine only child.  And, lo, a spirit taketh him, and he suddenly crieth out; and it teareth him that he foameth again, and bruising him hardly departeth from him." (Luke 9:38-39). 

I can only imagine what this father felt like.  This was his only son.  Someone he clearly loved very much and had worried long and hard over.  Mark gives us the additional piece of information that the son had been in this condition since his childhood (Mark 9:21).  I get the impression that the father had been caring for his son in this condition for a long time -- trying everything he could think of but to no avail.  Yet, he persisted in loving and caring for the child and was still willing to bring him first to the apostles and later to Christ himself.  I can imagine the sense of desperate hope this father had.  He cared so deeply about the well-being of his son that despite the years of struggle and what I'm sure must have felt like persistent failures to cure the boy, he nonetheless pressed on toward the one thing that ultimately could save his child. 

Mark's account is the most complete as to what happened once the father petitioned Christ for help. 

"And they brought him [the boy] unto him [Christ]: and when he [the boy] saw him [Christ], straightway the spirit tare him [the boy]; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming." (Mark 9:20)

I'm struck by the strong language these verses use.  Words like "lunatick" and "teareth, foameth, gnasheth".  These denote a violent and all-consuming fight.  And while these words have some shock value, I think they perfectly convey the sense of the struggle we are involved in for the souls of mankind.  There is a perfect father of our spirits and his perfect son who want us to become as they are.  Equally true, there is a being of hate, rage and darkness who wishes for the destruction of all that is good and light -- particularly the precious souls of God's children.  There is no question as to who will be the ultimate victor of this struggle.  But that certainly does not diminish the buffeting which we experience as the father of lies does all he can to bring darkness and misery to each of us.

I'm reminded of how Elder Holland put it:

Most of us do not need any more reminders than we have already had that there is one who personifies "opposition in all things," that "an angel of God" fell "from heaven" and in so doing became "miserable forever." What a chilling destiny. Lehi teaches us that because this is Lucifer's fate, "he sought also the misery of all mankind" (2 Nephi 2:11, 17–18).
[Jeffrey R. Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence", March 2, 1999.]

With this context, and again, trying to see this story from the perspective of the boy's father, I can't help but hear the desperation in the father's tone as he pleads with Christ for help.  "…but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us…" (Mark 9:22).

  • How many times have I felt or heard similar emotion as someone pleads for aid for their own life or for the life of someone they care for?

  • How familiar is this tone to the missionaries in the field (and hopefully us missionaries here at home) as we try to take the glorious gospel message to so many who have no apparent interest?

  • How common is this tone as one walks the corridors of a hospital or nursing home or even the halls of our own homes where sickness, disease, age or other frailties of this mortal condition make life so so difficult right now?

  • How readily do we recognize this tone as we see those in our stewardships (be it those we home teach, visit teach, or anything else) struggle and fall away?

  • How often is this the tone of my own heart and prayers when the trials or circumstance of life or the burden of my many many mistakes seem to mount up and be a figurative Everest before me?

The next verse seems to get most of the attention in books and Sunday school classes -- and well it should -- because here we are taught from the mouth of the Savior himself how to overcome the trials and circumstances that lead to our desperate pleas:  "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth"  (Mark 9:23).

Certainly it is true that no sickness is too severe, no disease too disabling, no plague too destructive, no sin too great that it can not be cured by Christ and his great atonement.  I believe that is true.

...So, maybe it's just me.  Maybe I'm the only one who knows that while that verse is certainly true, in practice I simply fail to bring down the powers of heaven every time I'm burdened down by weakness, pain, sickness or sin…  Maybe it is just me.  But I don't think so…and it is for this reason that I relate to the father in this story and will be forever grateful that the Lord saw fit to keep the words of this little exchange intact and available for reading and study in his holy scripture.

To Christ's teaching that all things are possible to him that believeth, the father of the child "cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief"  (Mark 9:24).

I know I am imperfect.  I know that my faith is often imperfect.  Yet, I need help.  Many times I have similarly cried out as this father did, sometimes with figurative tears and sometimes with literal tears.  "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief!"  And then the miracle of miracles!  (here is where I would like to quote from Elder Holland's conference talk about leading with what faith we have instead of first leading with where we are lacking…but alas, that will have to wait for the conference transcripts to be released)

Christ in his infinite mercy.  Christ, who created all things, who has all power and who knows all things from the beginning to the end.  Christ, who looks beyond my many weaknesses and shortcomings and chooses to bless me today despite a perfect knowledge of past and future mistakes.  He blesses me with what I need.  (Certainly not always what I think I need, but what he knows I need from his all-seeing perspective).

Again, quoting from a previous talk given by Elder Holland,

"…soon, with that kind of love, we realize our days hold scores of thoroughfares leading to the Master and that every time we reach out, however feebly, for Him, we discover He has been anxiously trying to reach us. So we step, we strive, we seek, and we never yield…

…whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve [your] concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma’s testimony is my testimony: “I do know,” he says, “that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

This reliance upon the merciful nature of God is at the very center of the gospel Christ taught. I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair.  From the beginning, trust in such help was to give us both a reason and a way to improve, an incentive to lay down our burdens and take up our salvation. There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life. Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds a strength, as the hymn says, “beyond [his] own.”  The Savior reminds us that He has “graven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands.”  Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way...

...If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended."
[Jeffrey R. Holland, "Broken Things to Mend", April 2006]


Now, briefly, from the perspective of the boy who was healed.

We are not given much information about what he felt like.  We don't have the same kind of glimpses into his emotions that we do with his father.  Yet, we are told that when the evil spirit left, only a husk was left who many thought was dead (Mark 9:26).  But just as He does with us when He heals the parts of us that feel so damaged and broken that surely no life is left, Christ renewed and rejuvenated and brought back to life what seemed dead.

"But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up; and he arose."  (Mark 9:27)

Christ has done this same thing for me.  Spiritually, He has taken my hand and lifted me up time and again.  He fills and brings to life what previously felt so hopelessly gone.  He has done it for me in the past and the great miracle is that he will do it again.  As Elder Craig Cardon (Saturday morning session) reminded us that though we often feel that "recurring human weakness is beyond the Savior's willingness to help" the Savior will bless us with the cleansing power of his Atonement whenever we come to him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.

How grateful I am...

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