Many...

I've got that feeling. Anyone know what I'm talking about? It's that feeling of frustration at yourself -- that feeling of wondering if you'll ever shape up. The problem is not that I don't know the way out of this. The problem is actually doing it.

In the New Testament there is the story of the man who lived in the tombs, possessed of many devils. Immediately upon meeting the Savior, this man says "What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God most high? I beseech thee, torment me not." (Luke 8:28)

Right now, that is sort of how I feel. The natural man in me is reacting just like this -- trying to push away the only true source of healing and comfort there is. In essence I'm saying to the Savior "torment me not" or in other words, "leave me alone". I hope I'm not the only one who gets like this sometimes…fortunately, there is more to the story.

Christ asks "What is thy name?" and the man answers, "My name is Legion: for we are many." (Mark 5:9)

Sometimes my shortcomings and weaknesses feel very overwhelming...like today. Their sheer number alone is very discouraging. My shortcomings and weaknesses are "legion" for they "are many". I look at almost every aspect of my life and see where I could and should be better, yet I'm far far far short of the mark.

In the Bible story, Christ casts the unclean spirits from the man who then "spoke to Jesus, and prayed him [Jesus] that he [the man] might be with him [Jesus]" (Mark 5:15). Again, this is something I can relate to. Many times in the past when I've gotten this feeling, I have been cleansed through Christ. I've felt the darkness lifted. I'm confident it can happen again. This, to me, is the spiritual message of this particular Bible story -- that Christ's atonement is able to rid us of the "legion" of weaknesses and shortcomings we have. I've felt this before and I'm sure that because Christ is patient, forgiving and merciful that I'll feel it again.

In fact…I'm already feeling a little bit better...

The Mental Shelf: "Hope", part 1

This has been a long one in coming…long enough that I am going to break it into pieces given that I don’t know when I will write the next section. This might turn into a year-long seriel…who knows.

Anyway, just about a year ago circumstances I found myself in made me really start wondering about this topic. Understanding has come “line upon line” and, as with so many things, there have been periods where those lines felt like they were coming fast and furious and other long periods where my attention was elsewhere and understanding came very slowly. Certainly there are many more “lines” to come and my understanding of this (and any other topic) will be in constant evolution, but here is a snapshot of what has come thus far.

Have you ever had there experience of thinking you were ready for something – thinking you were physically, mentally and spiritually prepared – only to discover when it happened that you were woefully unprepared? Instead of feeling like you hit the ground running, it feels like the ground hit you unaware at 200mph leaving you in a dark place, void of the ability to see any light ahead? The details are not important here, but over the last year I’ve had a few such moments. It got me wondering about “hope” (perhaps because I wasn’t feeling much of it during those times)…

My entire life I've heard about the 3 connected ideas of "Faith", "Hope" and "Charity". Like the appendages of a 3-legged stool, I know all three are important. I know that they are all interconnected in some way(s) and that should one of these 3 be removed, the structure would not be able to support weight. In some basic ways at least, I feel I understand what faith and charity are (even though it remains a life-long quest to increase my understanding and application of these characteristics in the way I live my life). However, hope has always been a little less clear to me -- more vague. It is harder to define and harder to identify, I think, than faith or charity. So, what exactly is it? When the scriptures speak of "hope", what exactly do they mean? What is hope based on? Or in other words, what knowledge must be in place in our minds before we are able to have the kind of hope spoken of in the scriptures? What is the precise interaction of faith and hope; where does one begin and the other end, or is such a point impossible to identify? Does hope build faith or does faith build hope? How does hope manifest itself in my life? Does it manifest the same in other's lives, or is hope an intensely personal thing like the ways each person feels the spirit a little differently? What does the absence of hope feel like and how can I identify when that is the condition I am experiencing? How is hope an "anchor"? (Ether 12:4) What does that mean in practical terms in my life? What are the fruits of hope? Or, in other words, what can we expect to feel or experience when we have hope?

I have thought much on these questions; read, prayed, studied and asked for the thoughts and opinions of others who's opinions I highly regard. I have found answers in all of these places and expect to continue to find answers. Just as in everything in the gospel, I don't think I've come to completely understand the depths of what hope truly is, but I do feel I understand it better than I used to. I expect that what I end up writing here will be useful as a starting ground or a foundation upon which a lifetime of further learning can be added. I simply wanted to try and write some of this down in order to help what I have learned become more organized and clear in my mind.

DEFINING HOPE

To begin, I think the world and the scriptures seem to use the word "hope" a little differently. In the world's definition, "to hope" simply means "to wish" or "to want". For example, how many times have I said something like "I hope I do well on my upcoming test" or "I hope (insert anything I want at the time) happens." These statements express nothing much deeper than what I want to have happen or how I would like a particular situation to pan-out. Now, there is nothing wrong with these statements. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way or expressing these kind of things. But I don't think they convey the depths of what the scriptures express when they use the word "hope".

Having said that, what is the scriptural meaning of "hope"? I have posed this question to several people and the definition that seems most complete and concise is that hope, in a scriptural sense means to have a joyful assurance of blessings to come (see Alma 22:15-16, Ether 12:4,8-9, Moroni 7:48). This, I think is a lot more than simply wanting or wishing. I think a scriptural example that I heard years ago best shows what is meant in the scriptures by the word hope and how it may differ from simply wanting or wishing.

A quick review of the story of Abraham, Sara & Isaac:

· Abraham & Sara are OLD, but receive the promise that they will have posterity and that the blessings of the gospel would come to the earth through their posterity (see Genesis ch. 18 & Abr. ch. 2). Under normal circumstances, this would be impossible because Sara was too old to have a baby by traditional methods – the only way this blessing could be fulfilled was by divine intervention.

· Indeed, the Lord fulfilled his promise and Sara had a son, Isaac.

· The remainder of the story is well known: the Lord commands Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham, Isaac and Sara’s faithfulness were tested in what is now known as an “Abrahamic Trial” (see D&C 101:1-5)

o This story has many applications to living a faithful life, though it is not what I wish to focus on. I want to take a minute and focus on the hope Abraham & Sara needed in this situation.

With this story in mind, we turn to the quintessential scriptural chapter on faith: Hebrews ch. 11

In Hebrews 11:11, we read:

Through faith also Sara herself received strength

To conceive seed, and was delivered

of a child when she was past age,

because she judged him faithful who had promised.

(emphasis added)

Let me re-emphasize the line in this verse that says, “…she [Sara] judged him [The Lord] faithful who had promised…”

Certainly the Lord is our judge and the time will come when we will make an accounting to him for how we have lived our lives. This is what automatically jumps to my mind when I hear the word “judge” in a gospel context – but in a very different sort of way, we are to judge the lord just as Sara did. What do I mean by saying we are supposed to judge the lord? When the Lord promised Sara the blessing of having a child in her old age, Sara could have judged that promise to be absurd. She could have “judged the lord” and determined that such a blessing was impossible, or perhaps she could have believed that such a miracle was within the Lord’s power, but not something that he would ever bless her with. But this is not what Sara did. In a very real way, Sara judged the lord and found him “faithful”, meaning that she not only believed that the Lord had the power to bless her with a child, but also believed that such a blessing could be given to her. In other words, Sarah felt an assurance that what the Lord promised to her, the Lord would deliver on.

With this insight, Hebrews 11:6 gains even more meaning for me:

But without faith it is impossible

to please him: for he that cometh to God must

believe that he is, and that he is a

rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

In order to exercise faith, and indeed, in order to please God, we must do a couple of things. First, we must believe that God is – meaning we must believe that God is real, that he is there; this is a logical first step. Second (and this is where I believe most members of the church have a problem. At least I know it is where I often start having a problem) we must believe that God is a rewarder of those who seek his blessing. In other words, we must “judge the Lord faithful” of the promises He has made to us (especially that of eternal life); we must truly believe that He can & will uphold His promise and that His promises apply to us personally. We can and must have an assurance that the Lord will deliver on His promises. Without these two things, we can not please the Lord, nor can we receive the promised blessings.

Unfortunately, I think it is all too easy to judge the lord unfaithful, or in other words, to believe that either:

1. The promise that the Lord gives to us (particularly those promises pertaining to eternal life) are not really as great as the Lord says it is, and that it is a fair trade to give up eternal life for a momentary pleasure

OR

2. Believe that eternal life is great, but that it is way too far out of reach for a normal person like me. The Lord’s promise of eternal life doesn’t apply to a rotten sinner like me and that I am too far gone to be helped.

This is essentially the same point that Stephen Robinson made in his book Believing Christ. Robinson puts it this way:

Unfortunately, there are many members of the church who simply do not believe this [that the atonement can make us clean]. Though they claim to have testimonies of Christ and of his gospel, they reject the witness of the scriptures and of the prophets about the good news of Christ’s atonement. Often these people naively hold on to mutually contradictory propositions without even realizing the nature of the contradiction. For example, they may believe that the Church is true, that Jesus is the Christ and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, while at the same time refusing to accept the possibility of their own complete forgiveness and eventual exaltation in the kingdom of God. They believe in Christ, but they do not believe Christ. He says, “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. I can make you pure and worthy and celestial,” and they answer back, “No, you can’t. The gospel only works for other people; it won’t work for me.”

Yet the “good news” of the gospel is good news to me not because it promises that other people who are better than I am can be saved, but because it promises that I can be saved – wretched, inadequate, and imperfect me. And until I accept that possibility, until I believe Christ when he says he can bring me into his kingdom and set me on a throne, I have not really accepted the good news of the gospel – I have only accepted the messenger while rejecting his wonderful message.

THE FOUNDATION OF HOPE

Now, going back to the story of Sarah, I think Sarah not only demonstrated great faith but I think the whole episode shows her hope in Christ. I think it also shows the foundation hope must be based on. What do I mean by this? The prophet Joseph Smith taught in the Lectures on Faith that faith must be built on a foundation. In other words, we must have a knowledge base upon which our faith rests: We must know that God lives before we can exercise faith in Him. We must have a knowledge of his character and attributes – that He is merciful and just, loving, all-knowing and all-powerful, etc. This knowledge must be in place and serve as a foundation upon which our faith is built. Similarly, I think hope must be built on a foundation. Particularly, it must be built on the foundation of an understanding of God's attributes and character.

Did Sarah understand the character of God? Did she understand God's goodness and mercy? His quickness/willingness/eagerness to bless us? Did she understand that the years and years of waiting were not a punishment but rather a part of a grander plan? Did she understand that since God has promised something that it will certainly come to pass? Did she understand His endless power, patience, justice, mercy and a million other parts and pieces that when taken collectively build a mosaic of what God is like? I think that certainly the answer to all these questions is yes! Without this knowledge of God's character, I don't think Sarah could have had the hope (substitute the word "assurance") that she did and would not have been able to receive the promised blessing. In summary, I think that the foundation upon which hope is built is an understanding of God's perfect character and nature.

I like the way S. Michael Wilcox puts it:

Our knowledge of the character and reputation of Christ allows us to “come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy” (Hebrews 4:16)…We worship the Savior not only because he is a God, but because he is the kind of God he is. A principal role of the scriptures, therefore, is to give us a clear picture of the nature of the Father and his Son. Our hope rests in that nature. [S. Michael Wilcox, “Hope: An Anchor to the Soul”, Deseret Book Company, 1999, p. 10]

With all this in mind, Jacob 4:6 begins to make more sense to me.

Wherefore, we search the prophets, and we have many revelations and the spirit of prophecy; and having all these witnesses we obtain a hope, and our faith becometh unshaken…

Wisconsin, the dairy and awesomness capital of America

I'm having a quiet Sunday morning here in Wisconsin. It was a little over a year ago since I had a morning like this in this place. In truth it feels a little weird. So much feels familiar. So much is unchanged. In a lot of ways it feels like I never left...but in my head I know that I live 2000 miles away and I have a years worth of memories confirming that fact as well. I know my life is now in Texas, but there is so much that feels right here. As I said, it is a little weird.

I flew in yesterday. The flight wasn't bad, though I'm pretty sure they had the rookie pilot and crew-in-training on the flight from Minneapolis to Milwaukee -- "the local time here in..." (pause...whispered conversation still audible over the PA system..."what city are we in?"...) "the local time here in Milwaukee is 12:15" (it was actually 11:15). Regardless I made it in one piece. I got picked up by a good friend and got a chance to catch up a little. We met up with some other folks, went to lunch and then met up with even more folks. Went for a swim, talked, laughed. It was good times. Then, because I am now back in a place that is not a GUZILLION degrees and that has great running trails (seriously, Milwaukee park system is the best ever) I went for a nice little run. Then dinner at a favorite Wisconsin resturant (I love you and miss you Noodles & Co), then a movie with popcorn and water (one of those Wisconsin traditions I have really really missed this last year) then talking and laughing until 2:00am. **sigh of contentment** It was a good day!

I'm excited for church today. There are a lot of people I hope to see again (most of which do not know I'm in town). Should be fun!

The Best Laid Plans...

"...The best laid schemes of mice and men, Go often askew..."

Robert Burns
"To A Mouse"

Despite my best intentions it has been a week since my last blog entry. I wish I could, in all truth, say that it was because every minute has been filled with exciting stories of saving lives, uplifting stories of good deeds, heartwarming stories of personal enrichment and selfless service or even just a plain old date or two. The truth is much more mundane however. While it is true that I have been on call 4 of the last 7 nights and things have certainly kept rollin' along at a brisk pace, that still leaves time that in which I was less than productive. I watched TV. I was feeling lazy/tired...sue me.

Tomorrow I head for Wisconsin. It has been a little over a year since I moved from the frozen tundra of the north to the arid Sahara of south Texas. Trips like this seem to be cause for a little nostalgia (at least they are for me). I remember when I got accepted to medical school in Milwaukee and nowhere else, I was a little disappointed. I didn't want to live in Milwaukee. My mental image of the city was an inner-city landscape of cement, pipes and smokestacks. Kind of like if the old Geneva Steel plant had been blown up to city size.

Ahhh...the ignorance of youth...

In short, those years in Milwaukee became some of the most meaningful and defining years of my life. The causes and reasons for this are many and I can't begin to touch on all of them but regardless, I'm beside-myself-excited to get back up there and see people and yes, even the city...(turns out Milwaukee is a gorgeous city...at least it is in the spring/summer/fall. And as hard as this is for me to believe, the weather up there is better than it is down here right now, especially considering the AC in my car doesn't work). There will inevitably be more people I want to see and more things I want to do then I will have time for, but I'll take whatever I can get at this point! :)

OK, better go pack now...

The Way of the Dinosaur

A friend of mine recently posted the following article on her Facebook page (http://shopping.yahoo.com/articles/yshoppingarticles/648/100-things-your-kids-may-never-know-about/).

For those who do not take the time to link to it, the article is basically a list of items or activities that folks my age (early 30's) or older are likely to have grown up with but that have gone the way of the dinosaur. Like the vinyl records and and fat polyester ties of an even earlier generation, these things are only cool or remembered as "retro" items or activities. The modern coming of age experience will most likely not incorportate the items on this list.

As I read through it, there are some that I miss and some that make me roll my eyes and mutter "good riddance". The following is a list of some of these items and why I feel that way.

Things I will NOT miss:

• Old music and video techology -- I don't understand the feeling of missing cassette tapes, walkmans, VHS, and even minidiscs (a techology I invested $350 in shortly after I returned from Australia in 2001). Modern MP3, DVD, and iPod are superior in every way. Less bulky, better battery life, more versitility, faster use, better sound/picture, etc. Call me crazy, but I just don't miss fast-forwarding a cassette only to overshoot, then have to rewined only to overshoot again and then have to fast-forward again, ad infinitum. Give me easy iPod navigation and DVD menus!



• Floppy disks -- USB drives are again superior in every way. They hold more data, they are faster, they are easier to transport, they fail less...and subesequently that chemistry assignment will not need to be redone last minute because the disc mysteriously erased itself (curse you 3.5 inch floppy!)



• Road maps/MapQuest -- Few things worse than trying to navigate the freeway system in a large city you have never been in by simultaniously watching the road and by glancing down at a map every 3 seconds. Things got even worse when you missed an exit...nuff said...the inventor of GPS should get the Nobel Peace Prize for how much he/she has decreased my road rage.



• 35mm Film cameras -- I love digital photography. That is all.

Things I WILL miss:

• Encyclopedia sets -- I'm one of those people who think that books look great! My dream house will have a big library with built in book cases, a fireplace and a big comfortable La-Z-Boy chair. As much as I love Wikipedia and use it ALL the time, I miss a nice, large, asthetic, formitable, encyclopedia set that sits on a bookcase and that is your "go to" reference for 4th grade state reports, etc.



• 8 or 16 Bit Nintendo -- Give me the 2-D Super Mario who jumped on mushrooms and Goombas any day. I get sea sick when I try to watch Halo, Modern Warfare or whatever. I'd even take a Sega Genesis over the new Xbox. Remember the old 8-bit Nintendo running pad that came with the Olympics game? Totally smokes the Dance-Dance-Revolution thing!



• Playing outside -- Not only do I miss doing this myself (I feel like I'm inside all the time) but I'm not sure the last time I saw a group of kids playing a pickup game of road hockey.



• Calvin & Hobbs / The Far Side -- The world changed in 1995 when both of these comic strips ended in the same year. You know a comic was good when 15+ years later you still regularly recall them and still find them hillarious.

THOR -- Our Mighty Cardboard Boat

I was scanning an old hard drive of mine and found an archive of old movies I had made. It brought back a lot of good college memories. The following movie is of one event -- one of a thousand fun memories (this one just so happened to be better documented than most). YouTube will only allow movies that are 15 minutes or less, so I'll have to post more of my videos in pieces but this is a good place to start. Makes me realize I need to get in touch with these guys again...college was the best!

The Dog Days of Summer (and super powers)

It is always hot these days in south Texas...always…

The heat got my brain to wondering about what the phrase "The Dog Days of Summer" means, because I'm pretty sure that is what we are experiencing down here (my perception of this is almost certainly contributed to by the fact my car's air conditioning has not worked since January). According to "The Oracle" (my name for Wikipedia) and at least one other random web site, the phrase goes back to Roman days. Apparently it means "the hottest and muggiest part of the season". It makes reference to the "dog star" Sirius which is the brightest star in the sky (excluding the Sun, of course). It is bright enough that the Romans believed that earth received heat from it.

In the summer, Sirius rises and sets with the sun. During late July Sirius is in conjunction with the sun, and the ancients believed that its heat added to the heat of the sun, creating a stretch of hot and sultry weather. They named this period of time, from 20 days before the conjunction to 20 days after, “dog days” after the dog star.

Interesting, no?

As uncomfortable as long afternoon rides in my car can be, that does not mean I do not enjoy certain parts of this heat. For example, I can air dry my clothes faster (and cheaper) than by using my clothes dryer. I can BBQ at any time of the morning, afternoon or evening and it doesn't feel weird (see my delicious lunch from the other afternoon).

I've have learned however, that it is important to do your jogging in the mornings or evenings otherwise this is what ends up happening...not pretty...



On a totally different note, sometimes I wish I had a super power (apparently I watch too many movies). If I could choose a super power it might be strength or memory...or perhaps flight. These guys are about as close having a super power as anyone I can think of...TOTALLY AWESOME!

(Singing?) In The Rain

It is raining outside. Down here in San Antonio that is rare enough that I feel justified in blogging about it.


I love rain. I'm not talking about the kind of rain that washes the road dust off your car. I'm talking about the rain that puts your paint job in jeopardy. Not rain that will mess up your carefully crafted hair gel but the kind that can strip fingerprints. I've never lived in a place that really rains on a regular basis, so maybe I'd start feeling differently if I had to live with it daily, but from my perspective there are few things as theraputic for the soul as a good stiff rainstorm!


It makes me think about truly memorable storms I've experienced...


I remember a storm while on my mission. I was tracting with Elder Gough in Wagga Wagga (yes, that is really the town's name). It hit fast. We went from sunny to downpoar in probably about 45 minutes. A lady who had no interest in listening to a discussion nevertheless took pitty on us and let us stand on her porch for 30 minutes because the street, sidewalk, lawn and just about everywhere else was ankle deep. It was actually a little awkward because both of us had been missionaries for over a year and had very little to talk about besides the message and the lady stood there with us for those 30 minutes until finally Gough and I just decided it was time to move on. Our leather shoes were never quite the same afterwards, but the memory was totally worth it!


I also remember the "Great Utah Tornado" of 1999. I was groundskeeping at the golf course. I was trimming the sand traps near the green on hole 3 pretty much working on my tan when the sky darkened and then exploded. As I'm sure there would be at any golf course there were a few old stalwarts who tried to play through but for most of us the day was over. After about 45 minutes my boss gave us the rest of the day off. It wasn't until the car ride home that I heard Salt Lake had been hit by a tornado.


There was a few memorable storms the summer I was in Atlanta and one I remember in Milwaukee. Most recently I was on vacation in West Virginia with my parents and brother. We were biking a trail when a storm came up. What made this storm memorable was not so much the wet rain, but the frozen kind. At first the hail stones were small and I figured my bike helmet would protect me. After a few minutes the stones had progressed to pea-sized and then...well, they eventually got to be about ping-pong ball sized. This picture shows some of them but I think they got even slightly bigger than this.

As much as these stung my knuckles when they hit; as is so often the case it was a storm that turned this event from something fun into something legendary. And you know, maybe I shouldn't be surprised...sometimes it is the "storms" that make turn something ordinary into something just a little more memorable!

What a difference a year can make...

T.S. Eliot is famous for declairing that "April is the crulest month". As a medical resident however, no one argues about the fact that July, not April, is the crulest of the months. This is because July is when new interns start. "July 1st" is often whispered around the hospital in tones that make you feel like you are in 1962 Florida during the Cuban Missile Crisis. I'm pretty sure that most seasoned hospital employees would rather have a vacation week in early July than they would over the Christmas holiday.

Just about one year ago I was among the throng of deer-in-the-headlights residents starting their new patient care responsibilities. All things considered, I actually think I had it pretty easy. I started on Neurosurgery. On the surface, this may seem like a bad way to kick things off, but the service I was on did mostly scheduled spinal surgeries. The trauma and other really really bad stuff mostly went to a different team.

I did have one bad night however. I had been a resident for 3 days and I was taking overnight call. I got paged around 1:30 in the morning from the ER, telling me that a guy who had had a spinal surgery a few days ago was now back with what looked like an infected surgical site. Surgical site infections are never a good thing, but they are particularly bad when they are that close to the spinal cord. In addition, this guy was starting to show signs of septic shock. I rushed in to see the guy. I fumbled my way through admission orders (I didn't have a very good idea of how to use the electronic medical record yet), started antibiotics, forgot to take blood and wound cultures and just prayed that he would make it until morning. Fortunaly for everyone he did great. His blood pressure stabilized on the antibiotics and we took him to the OR the next morning to clean things out. He did well after this and I am happy to say he went home in good shape. It was however, a long night...

Because of the huge volume of knowlege we are expected to know in medicine, it gets very easy sometimes to feel like you are not learning anything. Because you are perpetually feeling like you don't know enough, it is easy to overlook the things that you have learned. I think it is helpful, if nothing else, to have a yearly reminder (July 1st) of just how much I have changed. That, of course, does not excuse me from needing to learn more and there is SO MUCH that I still need to learn, but it is kind of fun to look back at July 2010 Eric and see what a differeance a year can make....

Favorite

Seeing that it is Sunday, I figured I'd try to keep this more Sunday-focused.

I've found as I get older that I'm now caring about things I used to scorn. For example, I now care about decorating. When I was in high school, mission and college my idea of decorating was sweeping the floor and keeping the dirty dishes in the sink to ones dirtied within only the last week. Somewhere in medical school I started to find myself changing. My roommate hung some framed pictures on the wall and I found myself liking it. Another roommate would occasionally have flower arrangements on the entertainment center to spruce the place up (and for anyone inclined to snicker, I'll defend the manliness of flower arrangements to the bitter end).

When I moved to Texas I started a slow (budget has to be considered) process of decorating my place. Anyone who cares to visit will still be able to tell that a bachelor lives here (I'm still working on the clean dishes thing) but I do have curtains, matching couch pillows, and a few dried flower arrangements. A few months ago I sprung for the centerpiece of my collection...

I've had my eye on this painting for a long time now. I first saw it in an Ensign article published while I was on my mission (around 2000 I think it was). I've seen it a few times since. I it is, barr-none, my favorite painting. I'll delve into why I love it so much in just a minute but suffice to say, it is my favorite.



I wanted a large, custom-framed, centerpiece-worthy painting. Something that I would pack up and move with me when that time comes. Something that will hang over my mantle for years to come. For those who have priced such items, they do not come cheap. I was floored by how much the framing alone costs (PS. Michael's perpetual 50% off sale is a total sham). I finally saved enough pennies to buy the print and the frame and it now hangs above my mantle. I love it. Totally worth it.


Why do I love it so much? There are lots of good paintings which would look great above my mantle. Why this one? You may notice the small black book in the bottom left corner of the picture above (the one being propped up by the candle). I keep this book next to the painting as an explanation and a reminder to myself of why I love this paining. In it I have printed some of the quotes and talks that deal with this particular Bible story. For whatever reason, this particular story seems to hold a lot of meaning for my life. I don't know why so much of it feels personal and applicable but it does. Among the many talks that have mentioned this particular Biblical event, Elder Holland gave one of my favorites. I think I sign off today by quoting the applicable passage.

One last piece of counsel regarding coming to Christ; it comes from an unusual incident in the life of the Savior that holds a lesson for us all. It was after Jesus had performed the miracle of feeding the 5,000 from five loaves of bread and two fishes. (By the way, let me pause here to say, Don’t worry about Christ running out of ability to help you. His grace is sufficient. That is the spiritual, eternal lesson of the feeding of the 5,000.) After Jesus had fed the multitude, he sent them away and put his disciples into a fishing boat to cross over to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. He then “went up into a mountain apart to pray” (Matt. 14:23).

We aren’t told all of the circumstances of the disciples as they set out in their boat, but it was toward evening, and certainly it was a stormy night. The winds must have been ferocious from the start. Because of the winds, these men probably never even raised the sails but labored only with the oars—and labor it would have been. We know this because by the time of “the fourth watch of the night” (Matt. 14:25)—that is somewhere between three and six in the morning—they had gone only a few miles. By then the ship was caught up in a truly violent storm, a storm like those that can still sweep down on the Sea of Galilee to this day.

But, as always, Christ was watching over them. He always does, remember? Seeing their difficulty, the Savior simply took the most direct approach to their boat, striding out across the waves to help them, walking on the water as surely as he had walked upon the land. In their moment of great extremity, the disciples looked and saw in the darkness this wonder in a fluttering robe coming toward them on the ridges of the sea. They cried out in terror at the sight, thinking that it was a phantom upon the waves. Then, through the storm and darkness—when the ocean seems so great and little boats seem so small—there came the ultimate and reassuring voice of peace from their Master. “It is I,” he said; “be not afraid” (Matt. 14:27).

This scriptural account reminds us that the first step in coming to Christ, or in his coming to us, may fill us with something very much like sheer terror. It shouldn’t, but it sometimes does. One of the grand ironies of the gospel is that the very source of help and safety being offered us is the thing from which we may, in our mortal shortsightedness, flee. For whatever the reason, I have seen investigators run from baptism, I have seen elders run from a mission call, I have seen sweethearts run from marriage, and I have seen members run from challenging callings. Too often too many of us run from the very things that will bless us and save us and soothe us. Too often we see gospel commitments and commandments as something to be feared and forsaken.

Let me quote the marvelous Elder James E. Talmage of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles on this matter: “Into every adult human life come experiences like unto the battling of the storm-tossed voyagers with contrary winds and threatening seas; ofttimes the night of struggle and danger is far advanced before succor appears; and then, too frequently the saving aid is mistaken for a greater terror. [But,] as came unto [these disciples] in the midst of the turbulent waters, so comes to all who toil in faith, the voice of the Deliverer—’It is I; be not afraid’” (Jesus the Christ [1916], 337).

Elder Talmage used the word succor. Do you know its meaning? It is used often in the scriptures to describe Christ’s care for and attention to us. It means literally “to run to.” What a magnificent way to describe the Savior’s urgent effort in our behalf! Even as he calls us to come to him and follow him, he is unfailingly running to help us.

Finally recognizing the Master that night, Peter exclaimed, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water” (Matt. 14:28).

And Christ’s answer to him was as it always is to all of us: “Come,” he said.

Instantly, as was his nature, Peter sprang over the vessel’s side and into the troubled waves. While his eyes were fixed upon the Lord, the wind could toss his hair and the spray could drench his robes, but all was well—he was coming to Christ. Only when his faith and his focus wavered, only when he removed his glance from the Master to see the furious waves and the black gulf beneath him, only then did he begin to sink. In fear he cried out, “Lord, save me” (Matt. 14:28–30).

In some disappointment the “Master of ocean and earth and skies” (“Master, the Tempest Is Raging,” Hymns, no. 105) stretched out his hand and grasped the drowning disciple with the gentle rebuke “O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” (Matt. 14:31; see also Frederic W. Farrar, The Life of Christ [1994], 310–13).

Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God. This is his true and living Church. He wishes us to come unto him, to follow him, to be comforted by him. Then he wishes us to give comfort to others. However halting our steps are toward him—though they shouldn’t be halting at all—his steps are never halting toward us. May we have enough faith to accept the goodness of God and the mercy of his Only Begotten Son. May we come unto him and his gospel and be healed. And may we do more to heal others in the process. When the storms of life make this difficult, may we still follow his bidding to “come,” keeping our eye fixed on him forever and single to his glory. In doing so we too will walk triumphantly over the swelling waves of life’s difficulties and remain unterrified amid any rising winds of despair.

Jeffrey R. Holland
"Come Unto Me"
BYU CES Fireside, 1997

All Good Things....

In attempting to start blogging regularly I realize that I run the risk of becoming "that person" (described so eloquently by the hilarious comedian Mike Birbiglia...if I can get this to work anyway)


(If the fancy embeded MP3 player above fails to work, you can find the clip I'm referring to at : https://brimhall.opendrive.com/files?34560747_HvBcU)

There are books that I would pay good good money to be able to read again for the first time. The James Herriott books come to mind. So does Ender's Game and a few other super nerdy books I will not embarrass myself by naming. At the top of this list, of course, lies the Harry Potter series. Through the miracle of modern technology and the good fortune of having this weekend off from work, I used my smart-phone while at work the other day to purchase a ticket for the last Harry Potter movie. I'm having bitter-sweet feelings because I'm confident I will love this movie, but at the same time it will be over. Yes, I know how it ends. I've read the series an embarrassing number of times and this ending is less bitter sweet than the one I experienced when the last book came out, but as the movie posters keep reminding me, "It All Ends Here"...



It makes me think back on the first time I read each of the books:

Book 1-3: When I got home from Australia in 2001 the first 4 books has already been published. I had never heard of them until returning home but I'm pretty sure it was the night of my arrival back in the USA when my aunt told me about them and got my curiosity peaked. I borrowed the first 3 books and (since I had not found a job yet) I went on a reading marathon. Book 1, done in one day. Book 2, done the next day. Book 3, done sometime around 2:30 the next morning (I barely slept that night. The sure sign of a good book).

Book 4: I went and did something "responsible" at this point (some might call it foolish) - I got a job - so Book 4 took me about 4 or 5 days to get through, though I did pull more than one 2:30am nights. Totally worth it.

At this point I had to join the rest of the world and wait for each book to be published before moving on...painful...

Book 5 came out the summer I was selling pest control in Dallas. I bought the book the next day and spent the bulk of the weekend reading instead of working real hard. I'm glad I got through it quick though because until I finished it, there was no way I was going to be a good salesman and make any money.

Book 6 happened the summer I was living in Logan, working as a CNA on the graveyard shift and taking a summer course in advanced calculus during the days (not sure when I slept). I took my "lunch break" (around midnight) and drove to Walmart to buy the book. I then slept even less for the next few days and totally neglected my calculus until I had finished. So worth it.

Now of all the memories from the previous 6 books, Book 7 holds a special place in my heart as one of the truly best days I can ever remember, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I was in medical school in Milwaukee and I joined the crowds in line at Walmart for the midnight sale. As soon as 12:01 hit we all rushed forward like a stampede of cattle to get our "cud". I got home a little after 1:00 and had to read chapter 1 before I could go to bed. I woke up at 6am to start again and thus began a day where I did nothing but eat, read, answer the call of nature and (at the end of the day when I knew I would have time to finish before going back to bed) watch an action movie with my bros. I remember one moment when I sat on the couch reading and a friend came in and was trying to convince us to go to "Irish Festival" with her (I really do miss all the ethnic festivals in Milwaukee) but I was in such a zone that I'm not sure I even looked up. I grunted something about how maybe Jonny would like to go, so ask him, and I just kept on reading. Not my finest moment ever but I can't promise I wouldn't do the same thing if Book 7 was coming out again for the first time...

That brings us to today. I guess all good things must come to an end at some point....really though, has anyone invented a machine that will help me forget the fact I've read the books 6 or 7 times and let me read them again for the first time? I'll pay good money!

Revertigo

I think part of the problem I have in regularly posting a blog is that I have strayed from the original intent of blogs. I have used this as a soapbox from which to pontificate and wax lyrical. Doing so takes so much time and energy that I rarely feel like I'm up to tackling another post and the next thing I know, 7 months has passed since my last post. Recently I have found myself following a few blogs who's authors have a simplified philosophy of blogging. They post 1 or 2 thoughts on a regular basis. Perhaps it is deep, personal and thoughtful (which is great) but usually it is more "salt of the earth"… I find myself checking these blogs daily and regularly being rewarded with a paragraph or two on some event or thought that is part of that person's life right now, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I love it. So, in a similar spirit, I hope to start posting shorter, more frequent blurbs.

It was probably back in September or so last year when my grandma (who up until this moment I would not have guessed knew how to check blogs) told me that she really enjoyed reading what I wrote and would I please post more about what I fill my days with. Clearly I have not done well at this, and at this point catching up is a bigger task than I can tackle, but perhaps I can catch a few highlights through the use of captioned pictures. I figure this might be a good way to jump back into the blogging world (since pictures/videos are my favorite part of other people's blogs).


This is something I totally stumbled across on a bike ride the other day. Kind of seems like a big event I've never heard of, all of which occurred near my home in a place that is now a totally quiet non-descript little road. Kinda' cool what you will come across if you as me!


This was a photo from a little vacation I took out east with my parents and brother. This was one night after a long day of seeing sights and we were just trying to watch the NBA playoff game. Cable TV was out of order in the hotel and so we reverted to watching the game on my dad's smart phone. Yes, that is right. We were watching a major sporting event on that TINY TINY little screen you see off to the left hand side of the picture! :) Totally awesome of us despite one of the most gigantic confusion to satisfaction ratios ever!



This is me on call last night. I'm on call a lot and spend a lot of nights in the hospital. This is the 5-star accommodations I enjoy when on call (actually, in all seriousness, these are pretty good call rooms compared to some I've seen)


In an attempt to get fitter, grow my list of hobbies, save on gas, go green, see a little more of Texas, flirt with a cute girl I know who also enjoys biking and have something cooler than work to talk about with people (seriously, when all you do is work, your dinner conversation skills start to suffer); I bought a nice new road bike. I've been really enjoying it (though I'm yet to flirt more or get better at dinner conversation)! I've found a few rides around the San Antonio area that I really like. This is a picture I snapped mid-ride along my favorite trail. I'm sweaty and gross, but please notice the scenery. Definitely the best I've found in south Texas.


So, as I type all this, I'm listening to an album that my good friend introduced me to. I'm pretty sure that if I could find a girl who I loved as much as I love this album, then I'd make my mother a very proud grandmother. Here is a link to one of my favorite songs off this album (PS. This whole album is amazing. This is just one small sample).


In the spirit of sharing what has first been shared with me, here are a few more songs that others have shared with me that are pure gold!


(If I could marry her voice I would do it!)

Here is one my brother shared. Good stuff.